recycled loop of apathy...

It's Friday evening here, the night before the first day of Spring, which is something little_g has very much been looking forward to...she thinks that once tomorrow hits, the weather will be warmer and things will start growing outside. Instantaneously. Aaaahhhh...to have the innocent mind of a child. Those little things make me smile.

And i could really use that after this week. I am two days from the kickoff of the running season here in Chicago and normally I'm super excited about it...and this year I can't find it in me. i'll run it. i will do the best i know how to do. but my heart isn't in it. i know where i want to be, i think i know what will make me happy...and waiting for that, and waiting for the "permissions" for that and waiting for people who should be happy for me to actually shut up and be happy for me for once seems endless. leaves me in a recycled loop of apathy. and it leaves me feeling like i'm just going through the motions because i have to...